Suicide Note
by Animefreak1994
Summary: This is it; my last testament; my last contact with my beloved humans; my last chance to say goodbye... ONESHOT?


**BYR:**

**I was bored and pissed and mad and pissed, did i mention i was pissed? Just a one shot thing i wanted to do.**

Dear-:

I don't know how it has come to this point. Never in my days have I ever considered taking my own life before. I always thought that I would die in the hands of a monster. A monster name Shizuo Heiwajima. But I guess not. Guess you were too late, too slow yet again Shizu-chan. Still, it's not like you've noticed; how drastically I've changed. Our fighting has decreased, the city isn't in ruins, and you...you left me alone. All alone. And it's because of her; that woman. I hate her. I hate her almost as much as I hate you. But it's not the same hatred i fell. I hate her because she drew your attention away from me, I hate her because you're so fond of her, I hate her because I can see that you're falling in love with her. You, a monster that I've only seen angry from, is falling in love with that woman. How oblivious you are. Typical Shizu-chan. You can never truly read other people's feelings like I do.

It's getting closer, the end is near. I can feel it. I have no god to return to, so what will happen to me when I die? Will I drift off into an endless sea of darkness or will my very existence disappear? No one will miss me; everyone would be so happy that I'm gone. I bet you'll be the happiness one of all Shizu-chan. Now you can have that longing peace you've been searching for. It's the only thing I can give you, though I wish I can give you more...

I've decided to end this pain. This intolerable pain you've caused me. You may be wondering, "what did I do? When was it that I hurt him? Was it that one time I threw some heavy metal object at him?" well the answer to that is no. You didn't hurt me physically, but mentally, emotionally. Yes Shizu-chan, even someone like me has emotions. Surprise surprise. Ugh... I'm tired of these human weaknesses. You exposed me to such disgusting things, I can't stand it. I can't bare the feelings of sadness, loneliness, emptiness, lovelessness. I'll never love another like you can. It's the one thing that makes you human; you have the ability to love. Me, I don't even know the first thing about love. Even when I claim that I love all humans, I don't know what it is. What is love? Why is it that we seek for it, even when we know that it'll just cause us pain in the end, why do we yearn to be loved? I don't get it. And I guess I never will.

So what now? Since this is the last piece of evidence I'll leave behind, what should I say now? Should I tell you? Tell you why I hate you? I should, shouldn't I? Who would care? No one. Exactly...no one would care.

**HATE-**

I hate you. I HATE YOU SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA! I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!

No... That's not true. Statistically, the percentage that I hate you is 0.000002975. I can never hate a person like you; you who sees me for the real me, a monster. But I guess it's better to be hated for who you are than for someone you're not. I hates you. I truly, deeply hate you. But you have to known, that when I hate you, it's because I love you to the point of passion that I wish to be with you. But that can never be. So, until that day may or may not come, I will always hate you...

**LOVE-**

it's a funny thing. Though we know the pain it may bring, we hope for the joy. It's a human emotion I've banished from my heart. I've learned to hate and despise other humans. But...you...you've opened my heart. You've taught me to love, to feel kindness and to see how wonderful love can really be. No one has ever done that for me. No one has ever made me feel so broken, lonely, sad, depressed, angry, and wanting, all at once before.

**LIFE-**

is a time limit each of us has on this world. It's s fragile thing, easily broken. It can be tragic, fulfilling, happy, miserable, or all the above. Life is something precious, grater after than any gem. It was something I wanted to spend with someone like you until the day I die. So much for that dream...

**DEATH-**

the end of all things. The end of me. The end of love, joy, happiness, feeling. The end of suffering, hate and the birth of pain. Death brings upon the birth of endless, depthless pain. It kills you from the inside out. You brought upon my death when you left me alone. You might as well have killed me. I was left by myself, and each day I wished for death. I wished for death, so that we may be together again...

Well then, this is it. By the time you receive this, I would've already been gone. Thank for nothing. Hope you have a miserable life Shizu-chan. You deserve it after all. Killing me in such a way. You deserve to die. I wish you would die. Die Shizuo. Die...so that we may finally be together. Together, just like in my dreams...

* * *

He gazed upon the open skies, millions of droplets falling down on his face. The rain helped masked his face as the tears flowed our his eyes. He just at there, like he was waiting for something to happen.

"I wonder...what will happen if I jump?"

Shizuo was sitting on top of a skyscraper building, looking down at the civilians. The streets dotted with multiple colors and sizes of umbrellas as they went of with their daily life. Not a single thing has changed since he left; since Izaya disappeared. Shizuo received the suicide letter the day of his departure. And ever since then, he'd been in compete lockdown mode. His mind was shut off, his words locked inside his throat, his heart slowly breaking into pieces. And the nightmares kept reoccurring; he could see it even now. The informant inching off the ledge, his face still had that smirk on it as he closed his eyes, spread his arms, and fell to the earth.

"Did it hurt Izaya? When you fell and finally hit the ground, did you feel any pain?"

He was out of his mind. The blonde's brain couldn't function correctly anymore. All that was in it was the face of Izaya Orihara. The man he killed. The man he hated. The one he loved. How could he'd been to blind, so oblivious, to stupid? To think he was in love with that woman, was he insane? And now, now it was too late to fix anything. Now HE was the one who was left alone.

Thunder rumbled in the clouds as the flow of rain began getting heavier. Soaked to the bone, Shizuo refused to move from his spot. This was, after all, the last place where the brunet stood.

"What was going through your head? Why? Why would you kill yourself? Why didn't you confront me like a real man? WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND DIE ON ME?"

His body trembled violently as he screamed at the sky, wanting to get an answer. But he knew that he would never be able to hear that beautiful voice anymore. See that soft face, or touch those smooth lips. Never again.

"I died because of you."

"HUH?"

Whirling around, he saw him. Like he was still alive and well.

"I...Izaya? How are you..."

"Are you lonely Shizu-chan?"

"Lonely...?"

"Why are you here? Do you regret killing me?"

"I... I never meant to kill you... Not like this..."

"But... you did... You killed me Shizuo. And now I'm dead."

"I never wanted you to die!"

"Could've fooled me. If you didn't want me to die, why didn't you save me?"

"I didn't know!"

"Why did you fall in love with her?"

"I don't know!"

"Why didn't you fall in love with me?"

"Because I was scared to love you!"

"Why?"

"Because... Because I didn't know if you would love me back..."

"And now I'm dead."

"..."

The blonde stared hard at the ground, his hands in a fist, knuckles turning white as he tried to remain calm. He wasn't expecting this to happen so suddenly. All these questions only made him fell guiltier about killing Izaya.

"Shizu-chan..."

Hearing Izaya call him by that annoying nickname made some part of him light up, but only for a short period. Gazing back up into those crimson eyes, he felt like running up to the smaller male and embracing him.

"Do you love me Shizu-chan?"

"...yes."

"Then come."

The brunet reappeared behind him, floating in midair as he stretched out his arms in front of him. His face had a soft smile as a single tear fell from his eye.

"Come to me Shizuo."

"Izaya..."

"We can finally be together, forever. Just take my hand."

The blonde reached out to the informant, reaching out to grab his hand. One foot inched off the platform as his soul stepped into the brunet's arm; his body falling to the ground. And then, there was complete and utter darkness...

**A/N:**

**Sad i know. Continue? Maybe...IDK**


End file.
